630 posts tagged clothes
Let me just start out by saying, this is a good blog for body acceptance!
However, I have a small problem that I need your advice. I am a thin girl, 5’2” and I weigh about 100 pounds soaking wet (I have conditions where I can’t gain any more weight, but I should be getting that fixed soon!), and a few of my friends are a bit larger than me, weight-wise. Now, as girls, we go shopping. A lot.
Oftentimes, when we go shopping, my larger friends end up getting frustrated and want to leave the mall because “all the clothes they have only fit you” (referring to me.) Let me just say that the stores we go to have clothes that would fit them. Plus, I hardly buy clothes unless I absolutely need to because I’m a broke college students and I know they would make comments.
What do I do? What do I say to them whenever that happens?
"Let me just say that the stores we go to have clothes that would fit them."
I think it’s rather presumptuous to assume that you know better than they do what fits their bodies.
Even granted that you’re right, and the stores you go to have clothes that fit them, maybe you’re missing the point here. Maybe there’s a rack or two that fits them and 20 racks that fit you. Maybe the stuff they’d have to get is only in different styles, or fabrics, or lengths, that they don’t like. Maybe it’s $10 - $20 more per piece than they charge for sizes that would fit you.
So instead of questioning their lived experiences, maybe try to listen a little more deeply. The way you phrased your post, it sounds like you’d just rather they not ruin your fun by complaining when you all go out shopping together. But if you clothes-shop with fat people you will learn that shopping for non-standard sizes sucks. That’s what a non-standard sized person goes through every. single. time. they want anything, from basics to prom dresses (and it’s usually a hell of a lot harder the fancier you get).
Listen, your question isn’t completely off the mark. It’s just sounds a bit ignorant, like someone who’s not completely aware/accepting of their privilege. And that’s okay! That’s a lot of people. The point is that you’re reading blogs like this, and asking decent questions, and hopefully learning from the answers.
So instead of turning their frustrations into being about you, maybe all of you can plan your trips differently. Find the stores with the most plus-sized selections, or the best prices. Plus-sized clothes are expensive, and it’s not like fat women can just pop into Rave (does that store still exist?) and get an armful of shirts for $3/piece (I might be showing my age here). And if they can just squeeze into the top sizes at the store, the selection will be a lot smaller, are likely not to be on sale, and won’t fit them nearly as well as they’d fit a smaller person.
Being friends means figuring out what works best for everyone, right?
Thin privilege is never having to worry about bringing your own towel because there will always be one that covers your body appropriately.
The standard bath towel is a joke for my fat body, I need two to wrap around me all the way and how awkward is that to hold up and walk back from the bathroom in? I remember feeling nervous that a towel wouldn’t fit me since I started going to sleepovers and camp as a kid.
It’s something that my non-fat friends don’t think about or understand, and I’m too embarrassed to explain to them why I always pack my own towel when we’re going to the beach, a friend’s pool, or on vacation where we’ll be staying in a hotel or someone’s house. They will reassure me that there will be towels there, but I always end up making some stupid excuse like “I am a germaphobe and hotel towels gross me out” (I don’t care at all!) or that I’m bringing one “just in case we run out of towels/mine gets sandy/an alien beams it up in a spaceship.”
I also always feel rude when I stay with my Aunt and she leaves out a towel and a washcloth for me, and I don’t want to just leave the towel folded up so it looks like I didn’t shower (because fat people stink! -_____-) or like I didn’t appreciate that she did that. It gives me anxiety that I know is necessary but feel nevertheless.
It would be nice if oversize towels were more common so I would feel more comfortable that the appropriate size will be available for my body.
Being able to go out to the mall, (or a crowded place,) with family or friends and not have to worry about being fat shamed. Ive always had horrible social anxiety because of my past and though I have better control over myself and my emotions now and don’t usually have to worry about this as much I just wanted to share this tid-bit of my issues.
Back when I was very self-concious and couldnt feel comfortable in my own skin, there was a trip to the mall that I took with my family. We’d already been there for a good amount of time and despite my anxiety and restlessness about being in such a crowded place, I was actually having a decent time. My family was arguing about some nonsense when a group of teenagers passed us and as usual I looked down quickly and refused to make eye contact.
[[Because of certain experiences in my past, I have issues with hearing anybody laugh around me, especially in groups because I always think that they’re getting a laugh at me]]
Well, in this instance the laugh came after the joke. They made a cruel remark in connection to the clothes i was wearing. [[Red pants and a green shirt]] Note that these were new clothes and my favorite clothes because it was the first step I’d ever taken in dressing somewhat to my preference.
They made the comment, “Look its Santa Claus,” “Must Be Christmas,” My heart dropped but you know what I did? Instead of calling them out or doing anything else somebody in my position might have done. Instead of worrying about my feelings… I looked at my family scared as ever because I was afraid they’d heard. I notice that I’ve been doing this for my whole life. It seems that from a very young age I’ve done my best to keep that horrid side of humanity out of my personal life. Somewhat like buisness and pleasure. You just don’t mix them. Looking back at that moment and other times like that it surprises me and somewhat hurts me to think of how strong i had to be to keep those worlds apart.
Now as a much stronger and confident person, I find myself realizing that neither my family or friends truly know what ive had to deal with and thats fine. Its just somewhat sad you know?
Anyways, my family didn’t hear or see a thing that day but it felt like someone had gutted me open for the rest of the trip and even back home. i hate moments where i feel so hurt that all i want to do is disappear.
I’m so glad I have this blog to share to, although i’ve been following for a while, i’ve only now truly started sharing and it kinda feels great to have people who can relate so thank you for continuing this blog. :)
Thin privilege is having practically limitless options when shopping.
I decided to look for some new items for my spring wardrobe, things that really speak to my style and not just standards from Lane Bryant. I went on etsy.
handmade > clothing > blazer > at most $80 = 1,471 items
handmade > clothing > blazer > at most $80 > plus size = 18 items.
I remember when I was about 14 years old and the mall near my house opened a Torrid store. I went in with a friend a few days after in opened and there was a girl in the store browsing who couldnt have been more that 17 and 115 lbs. She walked up the the woman working and basically told her that it was an act of discrimination that the store didn’t sell sizes below a 12. She said it was unfair to her to walk in and expect her size only to find out that the store catered to plus-size women.
Thin privilege is being able to giggle and complain about how stores ‘never have your size.’
I went shopping with a friend of mine and we were both looking for long sleeve shirts and sweaters. She was looking for a size small and they were all sold out. She kept giggling and loudly exclaiming things like “They’re always out of my size!” and “It looks like everyone in this city is skinny and a size small!” “Look, they barely have any mediums left!” “But there’s soo many L’s and XL’s!”
I just couldn’t help but roll my eyes because I’m an XL and she totally didn’t seem to care about my feelings with those comments. She even said “You’re so lucky, your size is ALWAYS available.”
Thanks for calling my body unpopular and uncommon.
Thin privilege is not having weight loss brochures left anonymously at your desk by your “friendly co-workers” when you go to lunch.
Thin privilege is when your friend tells everyone she works out so hard every day that she vomits and has passed out on multiple occasions, that instead of telling her she shouldn’t make herself ill, they tell her she “must be doing something right” and that “the pounds will start coming off” (she is still fat, ofc).
Thin privilege is insisting “skinny shaming” exists in a world where the “war on obesity” is everywhere, in a world where entire television shows and movies can pass without a single representation of anything but thin bodies.
Thin privilege is seeing “something for every body type!” advertisements and actually seeing your body type or size represented.
Thin privilege is when you know the uniforms you are REQUIRED TO WEAR will actually fit on your body.
I’ve also been discussing with a lot of fats lately this common theme of fantasizing about getting a life-threatening illness. I revealed that as a teenager, I hoped I would get cancer or fall into a coma because then I’d lose weight. Many other fats told me they had similar “fantasies.” How UTTERLY FUCKED is that? That we’d long for near-death just to be less fat?
So Jimmy Fallon had Shaquille O’Neal on The Tonight Show the other night, and the show’s tumblr released this gifset of the moment Shaq and Jimmy tried on each other’s jackets. It’s really striking, the size difference, especially since Shaq couldn’t even fit his arm into the sleeve of Jimmy’s jacket, and Jimmy was absolutely swimming in Shaq’s jacket. I don’t follow sports too much, so I had to look up Shaq’s stats. According to wikipedia, he is 7’1” and currently weighs 324 lbs. A quick BMI calculation shows a BMI of 31.5, which falls into the “obese” category.
And I bet that he doesn’t get discriminated against because of his weight. I bet he doesn’t get charged twice to fly. He probably has to have his clothes tailored but that has more to do with his height than his weight. He probably doesn’t get absolute strangers warning him he’s gonna die from diabetes or taking groceries out of his shopping cart “for his own good.” He probably doesn’t get moo’d at on the street. Etc, fucking etc. (All of this might have to do as well with people being intimidated by him, but still.)
Such utter bullshit.
Thin privilege is the fact that my local clothing store has two ranges of clothing (regular fit and wide fit) and both of them are far too small to fit even a slightly chubby man. Let alone me, who is an XXXL on the best of days.
For human geography, my class was learning about the undernourished and the obese. Of course, I and my group got obesity. There was one article that was titled “Why are we so fat?” and I instinctively tensed up. The article had a picture of a large woman, tastefully nude. One of my group members openly said “ew. People that big should cover all that up.” I almost screamed. Then, we had to provide a presentation and the same girl picked a photo of a fat woman barely fitting in a chair. She and a few others laughed at it and I immediately told her NOT to choose that ones and explained that since I am also fat, it is offensive. Another girl told me that I didn’t look fat but I still insisted on picking another photo. They choose instead an illustration of Australia with a tape measure around it (of course Australia is bulging out) and I still wonder to myself why do I put up with it. These girls who never had to add extra inches when making clothes, be subjected to the back of clothing stores, look pregnant in empire style dresses or deal with a grandmother who constantly wishes they’d lose their tummy so they can buy cute clothes. They’ve never had belts be too small or even feel casted out for being wide. To them, fat is a size 8 and huge is probably a 12. I just wish these girls at school would understand that fat isn’t bad.
Thin privilege is being able to find cute boots that fit your calves in a shoe store.
Thin privilege is being able to buy shirts at the same price as everyone else.
For senior t-shirt at my school, sizes small-xl are $15. XL+ are $17.
Thin privilege is fitting the women’s sizes of merchandise for your favourite bands. (Sick of having to wear the shapeless men’s tees if I want band tees at all. But even there it’s iffy whether they run large enough.)
TW:: Fat Hate
Thin privilege is dressing up for a job interview and feeling confident without later, (with your interview only moments away,) having to worry about your sister asking you why you chose to wear your shirt tucked in and that you should untuck it.
I felt great in this outfit, I felt professional and oddly sexy. This is rare because it was only mid-last year that I started to feel confident in my own skin and capable of dressing up. The last time I’d dressed for an interview I was wearing knee cut dress shorts and a plain black t-shirt. THAT wasn’t professional at all, I know that now but because in those days I wasn’t confident at all and I was still trying to hide myself for fear of fat shaming.
I love myself in ways I never thought possible and a great deal of that is to blogs like this (and many other reasons.) I was so hurt and embarrassed at her remark that in that moment I went back to my old self for a few moments. I felt small again and instead of looking forward to my interview, all I could think about was all the people around me. The two guys sitting down at the table nearest to me, the cars passing by behind me, etc. I was again in a mental position id only recently escaped from. Thankfully I pulled it together and moved on to my interview.
The thing that saddens me the most about moments like these is the fact that for YEARSall my family could do was hassle me about dressing up and trying. Now that I’ve finally started to do it, (for myself,) it seems like they’ve changed their minds. Like they perhaps thought, dressing more feminine would change my shape or better hide my faults. I AM A BBW, I AM A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. I can finally look in the mirror and love myself and on those bad days, I can look in the mirror and hate my skin, hate my eyebrows, etc. but only that, not my whole self. I can hate my reflection without truly hating myself. I am just like every other person, with good days and bad days not just horrible times.
I Hate days like that.
But I do love blogs like these and the people who constantly put good energy and vibes out into the world. Thank you all for being as amazing as you are! :D
One of my friends buys clothes really cheap at thrift stores and makes me feel bad for spending a lot of money on clothes. I’ve tried to explain to her that I can’t just walk into Goodwill and find something that fits and looks good. (“Actually, most of the clothes are in larger sizes.”) Because even if clothes are in larger sizes, that doesn’t mean they look good on me. Fat girls come with all sorts of different proportions and just upping the size doesn’t guarantee a good fit. In fact, it rarely does.
One time, I desperately needed new jeans because all my old ones were worn out. I know that all girls have problems with finding jeans, but I’ve only ever found one pair in my life that fit right because they’re always either too small around the waist or too big everywhere else. After going to several different stores, I resigned myself to getting a pair that sort of kind of fit me right. I didn’t like the style (they were faded in awkward places and had rips which I don’t care for), and they were about double the price of what I wanted.
My friend made fun of me for how much I spent on them (“How much extra did you pay for that ripping and fading?”) and it was really hard for me to say anything because I didn’t even want that. I just wanted jeans that fit me. It’d be great if I could just walk in and be picky about jeans or shirts or jackets, but I can’t because they don’t fit or I look like a house or the proportions are wrong.
Thin privilege is not having to buy expensive clothes you don’t like because they’re the only things that come even close to fitting. Thin privilege is assuming that I even have the option of choosing what style of jeans I want.