Like a lot of girls, I spend a good amount of my prep time in the morning putting on makeup and doing my hair. Making sure my clothes “Flatter me correctly”. Making sure my hair and makeup is “Perfect”. I HATE doing this, but I have to. I have to make sure that I’m “socially acceptable”.
And every morning, my fiance’, the man who thinks I’m beautiful no matter WHAT just stares on in total and utter confusion.
"Why are you putting on makeup? We’re just going to the store"
I simply reply;
"I honestly don’t feel like getting into a fight. I don’t feel like provoking superficial assholes. Today, I’d like to AVOID the trolls, thank you".
Why? Because me leaving the house without makeup starts FIGHTS. People yell at me, tell me to kill myself, and even try to beat me up just because of my size. People are openly rude to me, and if I’m not having the best of days, *I* could end up retaliating, which you know would result in jail time and having to go to a court that’s NOT ruling in my favor.
I have to ignore the fact that the only person I need to impress is already impressed regardless of my weight, what I wear, or ANYTHING. He thinks I’m beautiful because he loves me, and I’m forced to completely ignore that FOR MY OWN SAFETY (And his freedom, since he’s willing to start a fist fight with any man who trash talks me).
Not to mention, I, too, think I’m pretty… But I’ve been fat shamed and bullied to the point where I simply say;
"You gotta turn them on to survive out there".
Which should NOT be true; but it is. I think I look just fine without the makeup or the “fashionable” clothes, but without dressing up, I’m treated like shit. The shirt I wear can determine whether or not I’m verbally or psychically abused, and even then, it doesn’t always help. At best, when I try my best, I get a “At least she tries”. Like, they feel sorry for the fact that NO MATTER WHAT I DO, I’ll NEVER be “Beautiful” DESPITE THE FACT THAT I *KNOW* I ALREADY AM.
Thin privilege is being ALLOWED by society to leave your house to a casual situation without having to dress up to hide your “flaws”. You can leave without makeup and still be considered attractive, even if you’re currently undergoing an acne breakout. Oh, and you can wear whatever the heck you want, too.
Thin privilege is not having an every day fear that somebody will verbally and/or psychically abuse you due to your looks. Thin privilege is being able to feel safe because you KNOW you’re not a target to trolls, bullies, and bigots. You can COUNT on everyone being nice to you. Meanwhile, girls like me really have to just pray we don’t run into the wrong person.
Thin privilege is knowing that you’re beautiful, and having the world respect your self esteem (Or tell you you’re beautiful if you DON’T have that self-esteem). But girls like me aren’t allowed to love ourselves because we’re NOT “Beautiful”, and thus LOVABLE to everyone else. We have to try hard to impress people, anyway, even if we don’t want to. Even if we know our worth. Even if we don’t NEED their validation in our own minds, we still need their validation just to live a “Normal” LIFE and to get the basic respect we ALL deserve!
Girls with thin privilege wear makeup to stand out and receive attention.
But I? I wear makeup to fit in, and to NOT receive ANY attention.