TW: Long text, minimal cursing
I have a friend who, in the last 4 months, went from a size 18 to a size 14. She’s never had a problem with fat people, especially when she considered herself more of one (She never found it to be “Gross” or “Unhealthy” and actually didn’t hate herself for her weight, though she did want to be a little smaller), but she had decided to lose weight so she could fit into a dress her friend gave her that she totally adored, so she worked to wear it (And it fits now, not to mention).
So… Here’s my friend in a size 14, driving down the road when a cop pulls her over. He runs the plates and asks to see her ID and registration. On the ID it said she was 216 pounds because it was taken back when she was a size 18, and there IS a visual difference. The cop looks at the ID and then her and actually jokes with her; “You sure this is you?”. And before she could really answer, he replies (A little flirty) “Nah, just messing with ya’. You’re losing weight; keep it up!”.
What had he pulled her over for? A broken tail light. To remind her to get it fixed. So why was there a need to talk about anything else?
When she told me about it later, she let me know that he actually sounded nice and genuine, and that he really just pulled her over to let her know about the tail light. Still, she was offended because he invaded her personal space by stating an opinion that had nothing to do with anything except for her weight (And really, her BODY). She felt the “Pat on the head” with the encouragement was insulting, too.
Because, you know, he’s a cop. He’s not a friend. He’s not family. He’s not her boyfriend.
He’s not even a fucking doctor. This guy is a cop.
And it’s not anyone’s business - especially his - how much she weighs now and how much she did then. He doesn’t have a right to bring it up.
She told me (Not exact words, but exact point):
"It almost felt a little backhanded. Honestly, the only thing about me that he’s allowed to comment on is whether or not I’m breaking the law or a light is out. I don’t care what his intentions were; that was NOT his line to cross"
I totally understand where she’s coming from, but her thin friends? They don’t.
They keep telling her things like;
"Hey! He was being NICE! Give him a break!"
"Well, he’s right, you know!"
Her sister even suggested that if she hadn’t lost the weight, he would have given her a ticket. The friend in question being a newly self-claimed “Thin ally” after, oddly enough, reading this blog with me one day (She’s read up a few times since, but doesn’t have a Tumblr). She’s the “Accidentally offensive because she truly DOESN’T understand, even though she wants to - or claim she does, anyway” type. She was trying to show an example of Fat Discrimination, but it only made it worse because it felt like she was rubbing it in - again mentioning weight when she doesn’t need emphasizing it more than the conversation was already.
My friend’s actually more annoyed with the lack or understanding from her thin friends more than she is concerned about the cop. She knows he was trying to be nice (So she blames society moreso for the way he acted, though he still could have chosen to keep his mouth shut).
Kind of funny, though. Makes me think that if a thin girl was told “Your boobs are looking good today”, there’d be a lawsuit (If it was a cop, anyway). Because it’s sexual harassment to comment on a woman’s breasts, right? Her butt, too! Even her lace, lips, and legs!
So why is it not sexual harassment to comment on the REST of her body? How in the world is it not sexual fucking harassment to comment on how good she does or does not look because of her weight? It’s still focusing on talking about something that does or does not turn him on! Doesn’t this bother anyone?!
Oh, wait. Because it’s "not a sexual thing".
It’s a “Health issue”. My bad. Totally forgot.
#SARCASM. #Eye rolls.
Regardless of how he said it, how nice he was, or how genuine he’s being, it’s still offensive because it’s not his place to be making statements about her body, regardless of his opinion of it. Period. She can’t sue over it, sure, and she doesn’t plan to. But why is that concept so hard for people to understand? I could give a bunch of example situations right about now, but I’m going to just hope you’re catching my drift here.