This post is in regards to the kinds of guys who feel entitled to your personal space, time, and information.
I was recently asked about whether or not I have facebook, and had to explain not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES that I was not going to be adding this person to my *personal* facebook.
Now why not? How about because I have no idea who they are. How about because I value not only my own privacy and safety, but the privacy and safety of my friends.
How about because I’ve never really spoken to you or met you in my life?
But this wasn’t good enough. After 3 no’s to the same question, (p.s. way to be coercive), you then ask my name and “promise you won’t add me to facebook”.
Are you fucking kidding me? First off I would never tell a complete stranger my full name. Secondly my facebook doesn’t even *have* my full real name, and thirdly, no shit you won’t add me, BECAUSE I ALREADY TOLD YOU THREE FUCKING TIMES NO!
So my reply was simply “jackie”, because that’s all you need to know.
He writes back and has the fucking nerve to ask my last name.
I will say it again
- complete fucking stranger on the internet
- clearly cannot take no for an answer, making him not only a jerk, but DANGEROUS
- and this asshole sure as shit wasn’t offering up his name
So finally I replied that his questions were overly invasive and making me uncomfortable, and I blocked him.
THIS is male entitlement.
THIS is rape culture (ignoring no’s to get what you want from someone who clearly wants nothing to do with you)
THESE are the actions of a potential stalker or sex offender.
FUCK OFF YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
I’ve heard stories like this constantly from fat admirers. This is clearly a behavior that extends well past fat admiring men, but FA’s need to recognize how especially odious this gets in already compartmentalized and marginalized communities. Because not only are they trading off male privilege, but thin privilege as well. It would not be shocked to find this dynamic in other marginalized communities as well. Men are already taught that women owe them attention and affection, but we’re all taught that fat people DON’T deserve to be treated with respect. Put those two things together, and you have a lot of asshole FA’s who think women should be grateful for their attention and refuse to respect, or hell, even acknowledge a woman’s autonomy and agency. It just amplifies already dangerous misogyny.
Lets be clear about something dudes: thinking a woman is attractive entitles you to NOTHING. Thinking that should entitle you to personal and private information about someone is horrible. Yes, even just asking. That alone is an act of entitlement. That you think that’s normal IS male privilege. That you’ll ask again and again and again IS rape culture because its all about you disregarding consent and agency from a woman. No means no. Not wear me down. Not keep trying.
Fat admirers are especially prone to dehumanizing women online like this and its intolerable. This man was treating Jackie like an object. Like a thing he wanted to collect. And he felt perfectly okay with essentially walking right up to her and making very invasive demands. That’s not okay. Its a real problem. And the fact that at least one person responded to this post by condescendingly “patting Jackie on the head” shows the kind of culture which is teaching men its okay to behave like this and that women who object are being mean or rude and their fears and concerns are silly. This is NOT okay.
Especially relevant, since I got a question in the inbox recently about fat admirers and thin privilege. Yes, male fat admirers can and often do trade off male and thin privilege. It doesn’t mean they have to, or that there’s something wrong with being a fat admirer. But being a fat admirer doesn’t make you immune to using the institution of thin privilege (namely, that fat people aren’t worthy of respect) to your advantage.