I am also a recovering anorexic (though not anorexic by the flawed DSM-IV and DSM-V, since my BMI was ‘normal’ and ‘overweight’ when I was anorexic, though I exhibited the other behaviors of anorexia except the weight bit).
When I was in the depths of my restrictive eating disorder, which spanned 10 years, I was also guilty of reveling in thin privilege and being a quiet fatphobe. I believed very much that ‘everyone’ could lose weight and that the ‘hard work’ I was doing was necessary for me and all fat people, even though I knew, deep down, that it was killing me.
I’d watch “Super Size Me” and nod my head knowingly.
I’d listen to my boyfriend(s) hate and disparage fat people and not say anything.
I believed that fatness over a certain weight was ‘sure death’ and very fat people could only be that way if they were gorging themselves all the time and/or that they somehow made themselves fat through behavior or the lack of information.
So I want to join you in your apology; we’ll apologize together.
I’m sorry for wrong-headed notions I used to have about fatness.
I’m sorry for contributing to fat hate in any way.
And no one will ever be able to convince me that fat hate/shame/phobia/discrimination is justified, or good for anyone. It’s not.