This is Thin Privilege

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*Self-Harm TW toward the end*

I know this isn’t in the regular format, but I wanted to share a story.

I am 21 and have two teenage future sisters-in-law. We are all very close, and they are both skinny girls. We each got $25 gift cards to a well-known clothing store for Christmas (I’ll call it M+H) and we all decided to go shopping together.

They were both finding cute things they liked, each putting together their outfits. The stuff that they chose was reasonably-priced and really cute. They got to be creative and got to pick things that spoke to their personalities. They had so much fun laughing and joking and comparing colors. I, however, had a knot in my stomach that grew every minute they shopped because I knew that they wanted to find stuff for me next.

The plus section at M+H sucks. It sucks hard. It is a wall filled with muumuus, boring tops and ugly dresses. The colors of their products range from kind of off to nursing home furniture, and the cheapest item there is $24.95 without tax. I knew my only other alternative was the men’s section, with stuff that just isn’t my style and makes my curvy frame look boxy. I felt terrified to have my sisters-in-law see me struggle to find clothes that looked great, good or even okay on me. But I tried to find something, anything with them to no avail.

I then gave up and had them split my gift card. I bought them more stuff with my gift because I couldn’t find anything while they had to put adorable and well-liked items back because they didn’t have enough in their budgets. I want these beautiful girls to see me as a confident person, one who is beautiful because she says she is and nobody else’s opinion matters. But faced against a multi-billion dollar corporation like M+H telling my sisters that my body wasn’t worth stocking pretty things for just broke me. I put on as brave a face the whole day but when I got home I cried in my fiance’s arms, trying to quell the urge to burn myself.

This is why thin privilege is wrong. I SHOULD have been able to find attractive clothes to buy with my sisters and instead they sent my sisters the message that the awesome, beautiful woman they look up to isn’t good enough and isn’t allowed to be beautiful. Fuck you, M+H for ruining my experience and making me feel like less than a person. I will NEVER EVER set foot in your stores EVER again.